Portland, Trying to Find a Foothold

I sit here in a poorly lit pub in Portland, Oregon. I am sipping an Old Fashioned made from scratch while waiting for my Happy Hour appetizers. I am attempting to be productive while I wait for my boyfriend to get out of class. I am scouring craigslist for jobs, since the job I had I lost, like a child looses his bad report card or a politician looses incriminating documents. I hated my job and it turns out they didn't think I was very "good" at it either.

Bob Marley is singing about something of meaning overhead but his thick accent prevents me from recognizing what he is actually saying. Nevertheless he has inspired my thoughts to wander to the ends of possibility and down the avenues of my mind. Unfortunately for my meditations, as they begin to travel trough my consciousness they are accompanied by my fears and doubts. I find it hard to appreciate my current atmosphere and my musical guest Bob. I begin to munch on my Cajun tots but my stomach churns. My snack is now accompanied by images playing in my mind like a horror movie played on the big screen. I can see myself running out of money, having to break my lease, never finding a job, and living on the streets because I don't even have enough money to even leave the city.

Whew, this sort of defeatist attitude calls for a drink...now that's better. Shit, it turns out garlicky hummus and an Old Fashioned do not go well together. Ugh! It's at times like this I typically beg for divine assistance. HELP! Just a break, a little break so that I can put my suspicions to rest. I want to know that following my heart wasn't the wrong move. I want to know the hope that comes from unexpected successes, or "beginner's luck" as the author Paulo Coelho label's it. I want to agree with the faith of my friends and family who watched me embark on this journey with joy and assurance.

It seems that the "real world," or the world of daily decision and chaos is not as friendly as the world of good intentions and zealous daydreams...or is it? Tomorrow holds a whole new set of circumstance that could lead to my best case scenario, or my worst. But until tomorrow I will sit here in this dim ambiance with garlic breath that offends my drink of choice and misgivings that upset my stomach and resolve. Till tomorrow, CHEERS!